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Blog: March 7, 2021

Fr. Jeff and others share reflections on the Sunday readings.

Sunday, March 7, 2021

Given that Lent is a time when many people seek out the sacrament of Reconciliation, I thought it could be helpful to share a few tips on how to make a good confession. These are largely taken from a series of online posts by a priest (Fr. Paul Hedman, @BackwardsFeet on Twitter), but I’ve made a few additions and clarifications of my own.

I want to stress above all, though, not to let this list of dos and don’ts keep you away from the sacrament, especially if you're anxious or it’s been a long time. If you’ve forgotten the “mechanics” of the sacrament, just tell the priest and he’ll walk you through it. And no matter what you have to confess, you’re not going to shock the priest or cause him to look down on you. When I hear someone confess a “big” sin, I’m not thinking about how horrible they are to have done that, I’m thinking about the courage and trust they are showing in seeking God’s forgiveness for it. I’m also thinking about the party that’s breaking out in heaven at that moment: “I tell you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents” (Luke 15:10). That said, here are some reminders and pointers that I hope are helpful:


  • Mortal sins must be confessed in kind and number since your last confession. If you don’t know the exact number of times you committed the sin, make an estimate or say about how often (“about a dozen times,” “about once a week”). You don’t need to say the number for venial sins.
  • Say the sin you’re most scared or embarrassed of first. It makes the rest of the confession easier. Don’t worry about getting the words exactly right or what the priest is going to think: he’s heard it all before. Just spit it out.
  • Some brief context can sometimes help, but the priest doesn’t need to hear the whole story. This is especially true if there are several people waiting or it is near the end of the scheduled time. Say: “I was rude to my cousins” or “I taunted my cousins with a limerick.” Don’t say: “There once was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it. His parents called him….”
  • On the other hand, don’t be too vague: “I watched bad videos” can mean lots of things. What kinds of videos? Extreme violence? Pornography? Pundits expressing hateful rhetoric? “I’ve sometimes failed to love as Christ calls us” can mean almost anything. In what specific ways have you failed to love? Cheated on your spouse? Gossiped about others? Failed to give to those in need?
  • Don’t make excuses. Just state what you did (or failed to do) in simple, direct language. Say: “I lied to my coworker.” Don’t say: “I’m really not a bad person and I’m not normally like this, but this person I work with just has it out for me…” or “You have to understand, what I said to them isn’t nearly as bad as what they’ve done to me….”
  • Related to the previous point: confess your sins, not other people’s sins.
  • Emotions aren’t sins; it’s what we do with them. Don’t confess anger; confess what the anger led you to do (or if you just sat in it).
  • Temptations aren’t sins; having an impure thought pop into your head that you immediately fight off is not a sin, it’s a victory!
  • Confession is not the time for therapy or spiritual direction. The priest can do some initial triage work, but if you need to discuss a more in-depth or serious issue for more than just a few minutes, schedule an appointment.
  • Tell the priest if you don’t understand your penance or think it is too hard (or too easy!).
  • If you can avoid it, don’t talk to the priest about your confession afterward. If you must ask him a question about it, wait until you can speak in private. Asking the priest to clarify his advice or remind you of your penance outside the sacrament puts him in an awkward spot, especially if others are within earshot, since he is bound by the seal not to reveal or act on anything heard in confession.


Finally and above all, do not be afraid! “We entreat you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” (2 Corinthians 5:20-21).