“Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples

that are not written in this book.

But these are written that you may come to believe

that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God,

and that through this belief you may have life in his name.”

The Gospels are not biographies, even less history books, and even less science textbooks. Given to us by the Holy Spirit at work in the Church, they are the inspired word of God, revealing to us the truth in a profoundly theological and spiritual sense. The do relate actual events, although the details, timelines, and organization may differ. Each author has a particular perspective writing to a particular community with particular needs. The primary source is the existence, words, and actions of Jesus, the Christ. As recalled from eyewitnesses and handed on to others by oral stories, some of these memories were written down in collections and used in various ways by the authors of the Gospels (who we call the evangelists—Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). The evangelists have some sources in common and other sources particular to each of them. They did not write as if the Gospels were dictated in their ears by the Holy Spirit. 

Instead, the Holy Spirit works in a much more organic and human fashion, within and through each of them and each of us. In some way, all of the evangelists write so “that you may come to believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that through this belief you may have life in his name.” A “gospel” was a new literary genre at the time and there were other “gospels” written about Jesus that were not deemed by the authority of the Church to be inspired by the Holy Spirit. Jesus did many other signs, but the ones contained in each of the Gospels are written by a particular author based on particular sources from a particular perspective to a particular community with particular needs. They are also written to us. We are confronted with the story they contain. It is the story of Jesus. They challenge us to decide. Do we believe? Do I believe?

Do I believe? My relationship with God has progressed slowly. At times, it has gone backwards and, at other times, it has been punctuated by intense and significant steps forward. Some of those have included the night in my dad’s Bronco after a Bible study when I first fully surrendered to God and experienced the beginning of healing and true freedom, the night in the mountains of Colorado fasting on retreat when the Holy Spirit became real to me, the time of prayer in the Cadet Chapel at the Air Force Academy when I clearly understood God’s voice, the walk with the stations of the cross at St. Meinrad when God overcame my fear and gave me courage to go to seminary, and a time of anger at God when I prayed before the Blessed Sacrament and knew that God was bigger than my anger. Some of these have also been deeply sacramental: my first really adult and honest confession in Dallas, my tears that wetted the floor of the crypt in the Basilica of the Nation Shrine of the Immaculate Conception at my diaconate ordination, the light that streamed through the windows on an overcast day as I lay prostrate on the floor of the Cathedral of the Assumption at my priestly ordination and gave myself to Christ and his Church, and my first Holy Thursday Mass of the Lord’s Supper at the Kentucky State Reformatory washing the feet of an imprisoned priest who abused children. 

Although my image of belief has developed more to that of a field needing to be tilled, planted fertilized, weeded, and harvested, season after season, than that of dramatic moments of growth, I have experience in my own life, time and again, God’s presence, call, and providence. Do I believe? Yes, by God’s grace, I believe in Jesus.