“Jesus said:

‘I am the good shepherd.

A good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep...

I am the good shepherd,

and I know mine and mine know me,

just as the Father knows me and I know the Father;

and I will lay down my life for the sheep.’”

My journey to ordination as a priest was not direct. I had other plans for my life and I was afraid of losing out. It did dawn on me, however, that God might have an opinion about what I should do with my life. I hid the thought of priesthood deep within for years because, somehow, saying it out loud to another person would make it real. In addition to my own hopes and as an only child, I thought priesthood would disappoint my mom because of how much I knew she wanted grandchildren. I was immature and wanted certainty before I would ever commit to going to seminary. Once there, I had a lot of growing up to do, still, and had to face the reality of the very human side of the church. After three semesters, I left seminary with no strings attached, without an expectation I would ever go back. Three years later, after having done what I had set out to do and without an objection that would prevent me, I returned to seminary. This is when serious discernment began. I did not know, when I went back, if God was calling me to the priesthood, but I owed it to myself and to the church to find out. After September 11, 2001, I struggled with whether I could live a happy and fulfilled life as a celibate priest. Pointedly, if I were on a hijacked plane, who would I call? In the Spring of 2002, the sexual abuse scandals were exposed and I had to question how I could possibly even consider being part of an organization that caused such egregious harm and covered it up. In my final year, I faced personal limitations and dealt with an overreaction on the part of seminary leadership. It raised a bigger question, along with the scandals, of if I could overcome my easy acquiescence to authority and live a healthy and just life within the hierarchy of the church. My ordination was delayed, but I stuck with discernment and began serving as a deacon in a parish after graduating seminary. I served with a wonderful pastor and quickly felt at home with God’s people in the parish. The archbishop called me to orders and I was ordained in December, grateful for God’s patience and grace over the 13 years from when I first started thinking about priesthood to the day of my ordination. 20 months later and two months after becoming a pastor for the first time, the archbishop called to ask me to take on the additional role of Associate Vocation Director, assisting others discerning the call to priesthood or religious life. I said to him, “Are you sure? You’ve seen my file.” 

Today, we celebrate the Fourth Sunday of Easter, also known as Good Shepherd Sunday because of the Gospel reading. It is the 58th anniversary, as well, of the World Day of Prayer for Vocations. My journey, though not direct, was an ever deepening realization of my own identity and a discovery of the breadth and depth of God’s love. It wasn’t easy, but it was good. I didn’t journey alone. Of course, God was with me, but the church was also discerning if God was calling me and so many of God’s people helped shape me, supported me, and prayed for me. In the end, my priesthood is not my own. It is Jesus’s priesthood, who is the Good Shepherd, and it is for his people, the flock he shepherds. Today, we pray that those God is calling are able to hear his voice, that they do not lose courage, and that they can say yes to whatever step is next. May young people know the personal love of the Lord for them and respond with open and generous hearts. May they find real love and their true selves on their quest. It may not be easy, but it is good!